Dans Blog Of AWESOME

Frankly, this blog embarrasses me.

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 19:44:22 +0200

I'm going to start a new blog, with blackjack, and hookers! In fact, forget the blackjack and the blog!

Seriously though, my continuing lack of updates to this blog in conjunction with my desire to start taking my writing seriously and professionally is leading me to consider starting a new blog someplace else. Watch this space - although I'm fairly certain that applies to no one because this space is less watched than Ocean Finance TV.

Additions to the awesome list:
- NOT this blog.

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Twitter is making pretty much everything obsolete (including this blog, maybe).

Sat, 30 May 2009 21:35:23 +0200

Hey guys! Essay deadline just around the corner, so it's time for some more forced blogging!

As the title might suggest, yes, I've recently acquired one of them Twitter things. Twitter, for the uninitiated, is pretty much Facebook status Updates but with nothing else that Facebook does. And for some reason it's addictive as hell. I've almost become an incredibly minor celebrity out of it - I tweeted a question to Rock Paper Shotgun, and they answered it on their weekly podcast! For a millisecond, all fifty or so listeners knew who I was, God dammit!

As for my academic life, that's going pretty well. Essays and presentations from the previous blog are all out of the way thank goodness, and the year is pretty much over.

How have I developed over the past year? I guess I've come to learn that (takes out own trumpet in preparation for blowing it, very hard) I'm a lot better at the scriptwriting lark than I thought I was (blows trumpet hard). The 75% I got for my episode drama was completely unexpected - maybe I have a shot at making a living out of this after all.

If you're looking for something a little less smug, I could also say that I've become a little less serious about what I write. Before, I was writing stuff that felt mechanical - very proper, very logical - how Mr. Spock would write a script if he wasn't too busy being aweseome all the time. Now I write a bit more like I'd imagine Captain Kirk would - with a bit more flare, and much more daring. The New Star Trek, by the way, was INCREDIBLE. Go see it.

Oh yeah, and I know I promised I'd get those FaceBook reviews up but I really can't be bothered tonight. Perhaps tomorrow, when I've nothing to do.

AWESOME LIST update:

- http://snipurl.com/j3e2i - Trailer for No More Heroes 2. THE PIMP THREW HIS BITCHES AT TRAVIS TOUCHDOWN BEFORE ATTACKING HIM WITH A BOOM-BOX ROCKET LAUNCHER. This is going to be an incredible game.

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The rushed 'OH SHIT THERE'S A PDP ESSAY TO DO!' post

Sun, 10 May 2009 22:08:39 +0200

Hey guys!

As the title suggests, there is a PDP essay on the way and that means it time to lavish false love upon my blog. It think I care about it.

Once again, as with last year, I have failed to make regular entries into this blog. We're in May now and this will be the third entry of the academic year (still better than Maddox). That doesn't mean I haven't been writing - On Facebook, I've been writing a series of reviews of films, videogames, anything I fancied really. Since January, I've written 16 of these in a series that was previously called Dan's Daily Reviews - yeah, guess which one of those three words got dropped fairly quickly. I'll see if I can import those reviews into this blog, if ony for unformity's sake.

I suppose I should reflect upon the year, seeing as it's nearly over. I've been continuing my streak of not bad grades - The episode drama script netted me a 75%, and my script-reading assignment got me a 68%. Well chuffed, natch.

It's only in the last few weeks that things have gotten hectic really. It's like they'd saved all the big stuff up for the very end - two essays, A 60-page script, a PDP essay and a presentation to prepare all within the space of 6 weeks? COME ON, SERIOUSLY?

Quickly running out of things to say... erm...

Nope. Run out of steam.

Only one addition to the AWESOME list today -

- Left 4 Dead. Holy shit, this game is incredible.

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Taking out the trash

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 01:42:06 +0100

For reasons I'd rather not divulge (because, mainly, I can't by arsed to), I'm deleting my MySpace account. I did have another irrgularly kept blog on there, and for the sake of nostalgia (is it nostalgia if it's from the last two years?), I'm going to transfer those blog entries into this blog. Why I can't let them die with the rest of my account is beyond me - these abominations of language are hardly worth saving, and serve only to offer in insight into a mind that demonstrates, often, why it shouldn't be allowed to speak itself. Enjoy. Maybe.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Gigs hurt, but are awesome.

Okay, confession time people - up until about two years ago, I was a complete musical philistine. I'd liked some music, but I never liked it enough to buy my own. I either didn't care or didn't have the time for it, but I saw other people listening to music and having a better time than me (you know, they were getting off with people and having social lives and other crap like that. Probably, I don't really know). So I thought I'd better get me some of this music gubbins, and before you knew it I had an expansive record collection.

Something I've learnt over the two years I've been properly listening to music (side note: It was about the time I started properly listening to music that I stopped having fatal accidents - go figure) is that you cannot like music without going to gigs. Before last night I'd never been to a gig before; unless you count Tweenies Live. Yes, I've been to Tweenies Live. It fucking kicked ass, Milo is such a dude.

But last night, I made that first foray into live music. I, along with a group of friends, went to see The Fratellis at the Carling Academy in Brixton.

Before I go into detail about the gig itself, I'm going to first say some things about Brixton. The group and I got off the tube and left the station, and the first thing I heard was 'Anyone got free Fratellis tickets?'. Now, ticket touting is downright wrong, but giving them away for free is fucking mental. What sort of cheepskate bastard stands outside Brixton tube station asking for free tickets? Like someones going to turn around and say 'Yeah, actually, you can have these tickets that I paid hard earned cash for to a gig that I've travelled many miles to get to, for completely free!'. Fuckwitts.

If people in Brixton aren't buying or trying to blag something, they're selling it. Quietly. Okay, lets not beat around the bush here; I got offered AMMO. Yes, some guy came up to me and asked if I wanted to buy ammo. Now, I didn't see said ammunition, so this guy could have been taking the piss; making a post-modernist joke about this area of London that has in recent years garnered a negative reputation in the form of taking on the role of an inhabitant. Either that or he was actually packing caps (to use 'street' phrases).

But I have digressed slightly. Back to the gig; or rather, the queue for said gig. This queue was long - I swear I could have brought a portable DVD player and watched King Kong on it twice (possibly an exaggeration). We stood there, in the piss rain, for at least half an hour, while I guy walked past of several times saying under his breath 'Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?Skank?Weed?' (it's unknown whether he was selling or buying).

The queue ended outside the venue itself, and after being searched we were allowed inside. The lights went down, and the support act came on - The Enemy. Hmmm. The crowd didn't exactly go wild for the band. You know your band is going to fail after their first album when the crowd at your live gig is standing still, observing rather than watching. I found myself tutting away - perhaps a bit cocky for someone who is at their first gig, but I knew what I was doing - I've heard live albums before, I'm experienced.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine (who shall not be named (HINT: He shares the name of an Eastenders character)) took the opportunity to (in laymans terms) 'check out the pussy'. He stood there rating girls by pointing at them, and, in his own (msn) words, saying 'no, no, no, yes, maybe, lose the cigarette and we'll talk, yes, yes, no...' for a good half an hour. I don't know if he pursued any of the yes's, but at the end of the gig I found him shirtless. Good for him.

The Enemy finished their set (full of songs I couldn't name and lyrics I couldn't remember) and the roadies came on to tidy up the set. Roadies are either the coolest fuckers on Earth or the saddest, lowest form of life there is. On the one hand, they hang around and go on tour with bands getting drunk with them and sharing the good times, even going on stage when equipment fucks over.

To be honest though, and no offence to any roadies who may be reading, but what skills do you really need to become a roadie? Last time I checked, UCAS didn't list any BA (Hons) Roadie Skills courses (believe me, I checked. Now I'm stuck with TV scriptwriting). You don't need to be that bright, or rich, or good looking to be a roadie; Hell, we might as well just make hobos into roadies - two birds with one stone, Mr Blair?

And so, we finally come to the main event - The Fratellis come on. They don't make an entrance. They just walk on from the sdie of the stage, flip the circle off, prepare their instruments and bomb into 'Henrietta'.

Now, for some reason, the crowd is a lot more enthusiastic about The Fratellis than The Enemy. Maybe it is because the former are genuinley better musicians, using their lyrics and rythem to stir up emotions and responses in the audience that the latter cannot. Or perhaps it's because the former have a #2 album out already, are headlining the gig and we live in a world where celebrities and famous faces are our contemporary equivalent of religious idols - one of the two.

The crowd starts jumping up and down, and screaming at the top of their voices. Unusual, I thought - I thought I had these gigs sussed. Indie fans stand still and appreciate - they don't dance or jump around, they watch the band and try not to ryuin the music. But, as I now know, gigs are not about the music, heaven forbid. No, gigs are about killing people. It's a free-for-all, no-holds-barred bloodbath, and you've got to be ready for it. I wasn't, and now I'm in agony.

The crowd contains a whole range of people from different backgrounds, creeds, areas and ideologies. But it is heartwarming to know that they're all gathered here in this venue to do one thing in unity - mosh the living fuck out of me. You wouldn't have expected mosh pits at a Fratellis Concert, but they emerged. It was the most violent rendition of 'Whistle for the Choir' I'd ever witnessed, as during the second chorus a guy elbowed me in the inside of my leg. How the fuck he got down there is beyond me, but I'll wager he's probably dead by now.

What you have to realise about the Carling Academy is that the roof isn't cleaned regularly, and is about as absorbant as stainless steel. The sweat generated by the crowd condensates or something and rises to the roof, which creates a kind of sweat rain. Either that or some bastard was pissing on the stalls from the circle.

The crowd gets more violent, sweatier, nuder. The band do their singles ('Chelsea Dagger' was a highlight, as this massive Scottish guy next to me shouted DOO DA DOO, DOO DA DOO, DOO DA DOO DA DOO DOO DOO right into my fucking ear.) and the rest of the album, and the gig finishes. Or so I think.

In the past encores were only awarded to an act if they were good and the audience wanted more. Nowadays, encores are mandatory, whether the audience wants mroe or not. How times have changed. Something else about encores is that people get much, much more bloodthirsty during them. I'm sure I saw a couple of crowd javelins, and the crowd surfing was up 250% on the rest of the gig. I remember thinking If I can survive the encore, I'll be okay.

And I was. I came out of the gig okay (and, coincidently, came out of Brixton okay. Because, to be fair, there were twelve of us very white kids going to Brixton - or, as it has recently been renamed, Ghettoville), hopped onto the train and got home at about 1am - not bad for a gig in London, so I'm told.

Now despite possible being pissed upon, being beaten, kicked, punched and generally abused in the name of indie rock, I will say this - it was FUCKING AWESOME. I'm definitly be doing this again - Hell, I may even buy their album, who knows?

Monday, January 15, 2007

World of Warcraft sucks.

You know that moment where you sold your soul to the devil and you realised that you really want it back? I had that just now. You see, friends, I've sucumbed to the allmighty power of World of Warcraft.

World of Warcraft, for the uninitiated, is the world largest and most popular MMORPG (Massivley Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game). Its a giant vitual world, and you go on, create your character, and walk around a Tolkein-esque world, going on quests with other players, earning experience and generally enjoying yourself.

It's so influential in the world right now. Players have fought each other with bets in excess of $1,000 on the game. People have met on this game a got married. Neither of these were my intention when I gave this game a go, you realise.

However, stories of peoples addiction to this game are rife throughout the internet. I heard a quote somewhere about the game - 'I lost my girlfriend to World of Warcraft - good ridance'.

Such influence in reality made the geek in me decide that now was finally the time to give it a go. I mean, it couldn't hurt, could it?

The opportunity arose when my brother recently decided to give his soul to Satan and buy this game. He created this character (if you are a WoW player and are reading this , he is Dawgthedwarf, a level 6 Dwarf Hunter , and he hangs around Ironforge. Please pwn him for me. It will amuse me.), and set off out into the world, and I watched him do this. So far, so curious to have a go myself.

The game actually looks great. It's my opinion though that that's all it's got going for it. My brother went to bed quite early after playing (and he'd only played for about half an hour - we waited (I shit you not) six hours for the game to install, update itself, install the updates, log onto a free server and do all it's MMORPG shit). I seized the opportunity and created my own character (Pryceman, level 3 Human Paladin, frequently lost. If you see me about, someone will have hacked my account because I'm not going to be playing any more).

You start at level 1. The highest level you can get to is level 60, but you have to have been playing since 2004 to be level 60, and you have to spend all your time playing, eating nothing but cheesy poofs and listening to some shitty thrash metal album on a loop as you play.

At level 1, you get a basic weapon and a few supplies. Then you are expected to be able to survive against the biggest monsters in the game. I'm thinking 'All right then, lets do this!' and I set out on my great adventure.

Half an hour later, I've spent enough time killing boars and discovering new areas that I've reached level 2. Hooray I think, as I trawl my menus to find out what benefits I have recieved for my half an hour of play. Well, a few of my stats went up. No new weapons, I'm not any richer. I haven't changed in appearance. hm. Maybe level 3 will be different.

Two horus later, spent doing exactly the same thing, I end up at level 3. Cor, what treats am I in for now, huh? Well, I got a stat boost, but thats about it. Two and a half hours play and I'm only a little bit stronger than I was when I started. How long will it take for me to get to level 4? I don't know, I've given up.

I've heard there are more ways to level up and get stronger, but I don't know what they are. The game doesn't give you any hints at all. Also, every time you die, you have to wait a while for 'you soul to be extracted from your body' or some bollocks (which is technical jargon for 'loading times, mate'). When your soul is purged, it returns to a graveyard in a place you've never been to before (so you're completely lost), and then you are expected to go and find your corpse and items (assuming it hasn't been looted). You can ask a fairy or something to revive you, but you loose like half your stuff so it's not worth it.

But whats worse is the other players. Those players that know what they're doing and are a higher level than you even though you've been playing for the same time. You ask them for help and they just shrug you off with a 'Fuk u n00b lol i m a hiyer lvl thn u so u suk lol lol lol' (all censored of course - WoW is meant to be a 'child friendly game. Bollocks it is). No one helps you apart from the NPCs (non-player characters), and they're all like 'You want to know where to go next? Go yonder, my friend, to Ironforge, where ye will discover many treasures!'.

How the fuck do I get to Ironforge? I'm a man, and so I'm too proud to ask for directions. I swallow that pride and ask some guy the way to Ironforge. Instead of a cheerful dance routine with chirpy soundtrack, involving me and this guy I've just asked for directions standing side by side marching on the spot while various background roll past on the green screen behind us, I get stabbed by him. And its not even a Player versus Player server, what the fuck is going on?

World of Warcraft is a horrible mess of a game. You can can listen to all the critics giving it praise if you want to, but I'm not taken in by it. Hopefully if you've heeded my warning (and made it to the bottom of another one of my long blogs), you won't sell your soul to the devil as I have done.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

New Transformers trailer - what a massive pile of meh.

In a shorter blog than what I normally write (another longer one coming soon!), I'm going to do a short review of the new trailer for the fim 'Transformers', coming out next year.

'Transformers' is a big screen adpation of the classic TV series from the 80s based on the toy line by Hasbro. A new trailer was posted on www.aintitcool.com today.

It doesn't give too much away. we see some brief flashes of some of the main players (Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Skorponok), but not enough to ruin them before the offical release date (24/7/07). The trailer makes it feel a lot more like a disaster movie rather than another adaptation, which is perhaps a good thing becasue it doesn't give too much away about it. It's very much an extended teaser trailer, even though it's the full length theatrical.

As far as trailers go, it score a 3/5. The fact that it doesn't give much away has it's benefits, but it's also a way of shooting yourself in the foot. People don't want a Transformers film to be about random people who aren't shape-shifting robots, and thats what this is looking like absed on that trailer.

Even so, I'm still looking forward to this. While I've never admired the work of Michael Bay ('Pearl Harbour' and 'The Island' are two train crashes he's made in the past), I love Transformers and I can't wait to see them in action.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Revenge of the Bassists

You know what frightens me more than Uwe Bolls next film? A Bassist uprising (and I meant to capitalise the B in Bassist - we've gotta start sucking up to them soon).

As it stands, your average Bassist drew the short straw in the band. When they were handing out instruments, he wasn't even lucky enough to get handed a brass instrument. Instead, they just dropped the r and he got a bass guitar to play.

Consider his position. He stands to one side of the lead guitarist on stage, doesn't really move around much, he's lucky if the audience can hear his guitar (unless he's a drum 'n' bassist, in which case he doesn't count because drum 'n' bass sucks ass). I'm surprised they get an equal cut of the royalties.

But the one thing about them that scares me most - they never smile. They're always really serious about their instrument. Cases in point - Bob Hardy of Franz Ferdinand has never smiled in his life. Flea of The Red Hot Chili Peppers headbangs and grimaces a lot, but he doesn't smile.

The list goes on; Chris Wolstenholme of Muse; Suzie Quattro; Adam Clayton of U2; John Entwhistle of The Who; I've never seen any of them smile. Why oh why won't Bassists smile?

But the why is not the issue here.The issue is that, behind the frown, there's a beast waiting to be unleashed. Years of being cast to one side by lead guitarists and not actually being heard have made Bassists angry. One day they're going to rise up and wreak destruction upon the Earth, and I believe this is how it will happen:

In 2025, Bob Geldof will get up off his arse and, in his frail state, do another Live8 or Live Aid. All the big bands will be there, and with them their Bassists. Near the end of the day, the audiences bodies will be weakened by the expensive food and drink ('£3 for a warm coke? Fuck off') and at about 12:00am the finale will begin - Sergeant Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band.

This time around, Geldof decides to go one step further and have every musician involved in his uber-charity concert play SPLHCB. At this point, the Bassists will spring into action. Simultaneously, they will put on their earmuffs and plug their Bass guitars into radio transmitters, which will relay their signal to blimps strategically positioned across the globe.

Then, when the time is right, inside of playing SPLHCB, they will, in complete unison, from different venues across the globe...

...play The Brown Noise.

For the effects of The Brown Noise, science has shown us, are vastly enhanced when played through a Bass guitar. The chaos that will ensue will be 9/11 x 4368256275.24356. Just imagine: everyone shitting themselves at the same time across the globe, with only the worlds Bassists left with clean undies. The audiences' weakened stomachs won't be able to hold back the force of millions of Bassists playing The Brown Noise at them. it will be the end of the world as we know it.

But it won't stop there. The Bassists will, only twenty seconds after playing The Brown Noise, play The Pink Noise. Followed by The Red Noise another twenty seconds after.

And as the world crumbles around them, the Bassists will not hear a thing. Ironically, they'll probably be listening to Drum 'n' Bass on their iPods or something.

So the next time you think about spitting at a Bassist on a street corner, think about what he can actually play if he really wants to.......

Monday, November 13, 2006

Uwe can suck my Bolls

You know what, if I was held at gunpoint and forced to choose my top five favourite directors of all time, you know who I'd pick?

Steven Spielberg (Raiders of the Lost Ark, IMDb rating 8.7/10)

George Lucas (Star Wars, IMDb rating 8.7/10)

Roland Emmerich (Independence Day, IMDb rating 6.2/10)

Christopher Nolan (Memento, IMDb rating 8.6/10)

Uwe Boll (BloodRayne, IMDb rating 2.5/10)

Seriously, Uwe Boll is one of my favourite directors of all time. Don't worry about the fact that, by a large margin, he has the lowest rated of the above films, and that three of his films linger in the IMDb bottom 100 films of all time.

I am always astounded by the range of films he's made, from an adaptation of a survival horror computer game (Alone in the Dark) to an adaptation of a third person horror computer game (BloodRayne) to an adaptation of a survival horror computer game (House of the Dead).

His upcoming films include an adaptation of a first person survival computer game (Far Cry), a sequal to his adaptation of a survival horror computer game (BloodRayne 2) and an adaptaion of a medival action computer game (In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale).

Such inspired subject matter indeed. It always amazes me that he manages to cover such a wide range of contempory issues and still keeps a consistant level of quality within his films. I believe an Oscar is long overdue?

Sorry, dear reader, but in my haste to write about the genius that is Sir Uwe Boll, I've forgotten to turn my sarcasm filter off. I'll do so immediatley so I can continue to talk about this demigod of a director.

*Sarcasm filter switched off*

Fuck me, Uwe Boll's a twat. I don't want to see another Uwe Boll film as long as I live. And (once again) it is the fucking Internet fanboy bastards that we have to thank for his 'success'.

Imagine the nerdy bastards who sit in their basements eating cheese puffs, wearing a Chewbacca suit and longing for the girl who's currently getting jiggy with it on a webcam in the window next to the IMDb forums, where they're registering their disgust at Uwe Boll.

Imagaine the above, but in thousands - nay, millions - of basements all across the globe. Thats a hell of a lot of cheese puffs, isn't it - makes the mind boggle. But these millions of nerdy fanboys telling people about how much Uwe Boll sucks fuels his popularity as 'the shit director everyone loves to talk about how shit he is'.

Because of this misguided popularity, Hollywood studios still pay him to make more of his crapfests.

But thats not my major problem with Uwe Boll. What I have a problem with is that he chooses to make computer game adaptations, and almost nothing but. I hate the way he's taken decent, credible game franchises, taken a massive crap and smeared it all over them. We've lost Far Cry to him already (its not like anybody cared too much about BloodRayne or Alone in the Dark), whats next? -

'Coming next summer...from the acclaimed director of 'BloodRayne' and 'House of the Dead'...the story of a man who gives up everything he has...and embraces the darkness within...forsaking all those he loved and cared for...and damning them all to horrible, bloody deaths...starring Christian Slater and Michelle Rodreiguez...TETRIS: THE MOVIE'

I fucking hope not.

Final gripe - This boxing fiasco. For those who didn't hear about this, Uwe challenged reviewers and critics worldwide to 'Put Up or Shut Up!' - he challenged them to step forward and fight him in multiple round boxing matches. Only five brave, noble souls took the chance - nay, the privilege - to beat the living shit out of him, despite the fact he completely destroyed them in the ring.

Yes Uwe, very good, you've silenced your critics by beating them up. But that won't make your films any better. It won't change the fact that three of them linger in the IMDb bottom 100. You can't give back the hours fans have wasted watching your films. Do yourself a favour - you wrote two worthy books on film, write some more. Leave the celluloid to the people who know how to use it.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Torchwood -WTF?

Being the avid Doctor Who fan that I am, I was a little skeptical about spin-off series Torchwood. However, after seeing the first two episodes last night, I have to put my hand on my heart and admit that I was.... completely right to be skeptical.

For the uninitiated, Torchwood is 'Men in Black meets This Life' set in the Doctor Who universe. Torchwood (and anagram of 'Doctor Who', work it out) is a secret organisation, well above the government, that tracks down alien invaders and steals technology from them so that Earth can defend itself from alien invasion.

Don't get me wrong, Torchwood was highly entertaining. The humour was spot on (even if a bit risque for a Doctor Who spin-off) and the performances were quite good (The pizza shop assistant was spot on - inarticulate, moody, just like the real thing!). However, there are a few things wrong with this show.

Firstly, its set in Cardiff. Cardiff. Capital city of WALES. Out of all the infinite timezones and places and dimensions in the Doctor Who universe that Torchwood could have been set in, the producers have decided that the most action packed and alien filled was 21st century Cardiff. Cardiff. Anywhere else, yes, but Cardiff? If New York city is the city that never sleeps, Cardiff is the city that goes to bed early without dinner.

Secondly, I have a problem with the lead character. Torchwood leader Captain Jack Harkness, time agent from the 51st century. Recruited (and subsequently abandonned) by the Doctor in series 1 (or 27, if you're a fanboy like me). Charming. Suave. Daring. Bisexual. Fearless...woah, bisexual? Why does Doctor Who need a bisexual character?

There are a lot more reasons I could give for Torchwood being the most -how to put this - eccentric series to come out of the BBC in recent years. But I think the plot of episode 2, 'Day One', is enough. From www.imdb.com

"Torchwood must stop a sex addicted alien as it leaves a trail of gruesome deaths in its wake."

Enough said.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Screw Tesco and it's shitty payment system.

I just wish to let people know how pissed off I am with tesco right now. At the moment, I am still awaiting my first payment after nearly two weeks. Here's the story -

Friday 8/9/06 - Payday. In theory, my pay should be sent straight to my bank account. I check my account - is it there? Is it bollocks. I am mildly annoyed as I expected this to happen.

Saturday 9/9/06 - I go to Tesco to ask what happened. Duty Manager tells me that, because she's been on holiday, she's not had the time to process my bank account details. She assures me that I will recieve a cheque with mine and all the other employees wage slips - which have yet to arrive in the post. She tells me to come back on Monday to get it. I am rather irritated

Monday 11/9/06 - I go back to Tesco to get my cheque and wage slip. It's not arrived. I am quietly furious.

Tuesday 12/9/06 - I go to work at Tesco in the evening, only to discover that the envelope containing my cheque and everyone elses wage slips has gone missing. Head Office has sent another out, and it will take a while to arrive for some reason. I'm in the early stages of being pissed off.

Tuesday 19/9/06 (today) - I go to work at Tesco in the evening (just like last Tuesday - that's how shifts work), and am informed that the second package has arrived safely and some employees have wage slips. I ask to have mine (and my precious cheque), and the Duty Manager (not the same one as above) takes me into the office, where it is being kept in a filing cabinet. Which is locked. And surprise surprise, nobody knows where the key is. I am officially pissed off.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

My All Time Favourite Games

Tetris (Game Boy, 1989) - Everyone loves this, but it holds a special place in my heart (and my psyche - I'm seeing blocks everywhere) because it's one of the first games I ever played.

Lylat Wars (Nintendo 64, 1997) - The most perfect arcade shooter I've ever played. It takes a very special kind of game to keep on surprising you, even after you've played all the levels to death.

Warhammer 40,000: Dawn Of War (PC, 2004) - I've yet to play an RTS game that got the combat as good as this. It's so simple, yet watching an Ork getting his knife stuck in an enemies chest in the middle of a bloody massacre never gets old.

Advance Wars: Dual Strike (Nintendo DS, 2005) - Of the three Advance Wars games, this is the most intuitive and addictive. Using the DS stylus to direct units works really well.

Civilization IV (PC, 2005) - I've lost more valuable time playing this than any other game. The AI is so realistic - when you have to vote on Nuclear disarmament and you're Amercia, only England supports you.

The Movies (PC, 2005) - The shere power of creativity you have over the movies you make is overwhelming at times. I never grow tired of making short films with random people headbutting even more random people.

Battalion Wars (GameCube, 2005) - One of the most original control systems I've played with. I love this game for it's style - the cartoon armies would be cute if they weren't blasting the shit out of each other.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Nintendo 64, 1998) - Often given the title of greatest game ever, and rightly so. No game I've ever played has created so many memorble, cinematic moments and I am still discovering new things today.

Pokemon Red/Blue (Game Boy, 1995) - You shut the hell up, Pokemon is one of the greastest RPGs I've ever played. It's really addictive (despite what people think), and there's tons of replay value - I've been playing it, on and off, for the last five years, and I'm close to completing it again.

Command and Conquer: Generals (PC, 2003): The game played by teh_pwnerer himself, Jeremy form Pure Pwnage. I tried it just because I saw it on Pure Pwnage, and it's one of the most played in my collection. SCUD STORM! BOOM!

Banjo-Kazooie (N64, 1998): Before Rare goes and destroys their legendary franchise on XBox 360, I thought I'd just register my undying love for the game that started it. I still play this diamond of a game today, and with any luck Rare will see sense and bring the Bear and Bird back to a Nintendo home console, where they belong.

If anyone can recommend any games, let me know and I'll try and play them. I will edit this blog post whenever I think of other awesome games I've played.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Snakes on a Plane

I think it's safe to say that Snakes on a Plane will be the greatest motion picture of all time.

'FBI agents Nelville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson) and John Saunders (Mark Houghton) escort Sean Jones (Nathan Phillips), a former low-ranking member of the Mafia, to testify in a highly publicized case. In the course of a flight between Hawaii and California, an assassin pays airport security to sneak a time-release crate of over 500 snakes of various sizes on board in the hope of killing the witness' (from www.wikipedia.org)

How can this movie not be awesome beyond awesome? It's got Samuel L. Jackson in it, and his presence in a film instantly makes it a classic. Its got Snakes, which are natures natural psycho killers. It's got the best acronym in film history - SoaP. Finally, it makes it impossible for there to not be a sequel with the title 'Snakes on a Train'.

When you absolutley positivley got to kill every muthafuckin snake on the plane....

Well, that wasn't worth it.

AWESOME LIST update:
The box of Heroes me and my girlfriend won on Bournemouth Pier. Yummy.

Comments

It's more frustratingly irregular than a frustratingly irregular thing...

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 15:18:59 +0100

...it's a brand new blog! Who'd have thought it?

Well no one presumably, because I haven't a clue if anyone reads this blog or not. That's the thing about the blogosphere - there's thousands, nay, millions of writers out there, ranting and venting anything and everything, and I reckon I fairly big percentage of them don't even get any traffic. I could publish government secrets here (if I had any) and nobody would know.

It's been a good six months since I last blogged (I still have a better track record than Maddox (www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net)), and since I've passed the first year of my degree with flying colours (or 'Merit', as the results sheet informed me). Well chuffed, naturally, but with great sucess brings the challenges of Year 2: Electric Boogaloo, which I'm currently nuts deep in. By 'nuts deep', I mean one term. I'm not going to come up for a euphamism for the full year, mainly because I can't be arsed and this is a redundant train of thought anyway.

Christmas was good, New Years not so. Says something about the NYE party that I went to that I drunk more tea than lager. There were a couple of punch up's though, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

I did make a new years resolution - I'm going to try and get a video review of something up online. I am shamelessly trying to be the next Angry Video Game Nerd/Nostalgia Critic/SpoonyOne/Yahtzee etc. I just need to choose a subject. And find my camera.

Just found it. And it doesn't work. And Christmas was over a week ago. WORST. NEW YEARS RESOLUTION. EVER.

It would have been easier to have resolved to blog more often, but I figure the irregularity of the blog is part of it's charm. It's not like there's a massive outcry for updates. If there is, lets me know and I'll do my best to act upon it within the year.

Time for the obligatory updates to the AWESOME list.

- The Guitar Hero: World Tour drum kit.
- In Bruges, if only for the bit where the midget talks about race wars.
- Iron Man, and everything to do with Iron Man. Previously, I have said that every man should strive to be more like Charlie Sheen in Two and a Half Men, but now I think we should all strive to be like Tony Stark. He's a billionaire, he gets all the chicks AND he has the most pimpin' suit of robot armour. IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT.
- The Viz.
- Dicking around with pirate DVD salesmen. This one guy comes up to me going 'DeeVeeDee? You wan DeeVeeDee?', and I went through every DVD he had (there had to be about two-hundred), giving them all bad reviews. I could have been stabbed, but it was a laugh.
- Peter Stormare
- Saints Row 2, which is infinitely better than Grand Theft Auto IV. Let the backlash begin.

I'm bored now, I'm off the build my robot armour. In a cave. With a box of scraps.

Comments

Mouldy Peaches

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 11:21:40 +0200

The summer project hand-in/presentation has come and gone, and in keeping with the laid back/lazy nature of this blog, three days after the fact is naturally the best time to talk about it.

In case you weren't sure, I was in group K, and our project was 'Peach' - a Benriks Diary style organisation intent on getting younger people (within the demographic of 16-24 as set by the brief) to get up off their arse and do something with their lives.

Our three-minute-wonder (3MW) went down well - we've recieved several comments saying that it was the best out of all eighteen groups, with some even saying we should have won. Of course, I would have loved to have won (spoilers: WE DIDN'T WIN), I don't know how victorious I would have felt. Having seen the 3MW in action, I can say that the director has taken a hug amount of liberties with the script that Louka (the other scriptwriter in group K) and I gave him. Sure, there are bits of our work in there, but I found myself having to listen out for my own soundbites.

I know I shouldn't get too worked up about this - after all, if the industry horror stories I've been hearing are true, then once you've handed your script to those responsible for shooting it then it's out of your hands. Normally, however, the script is handed in with the prospect of recieving money for it, making it feel less soul-destroying when you see your work bastardised (I remember Jan Weddup once saying to me that his two favourite words in the English language were 'Cheque Enclosed'). But because there's no money involved, I don't feel like I personally have achieved anything with the 3MW. Is it worrying that I'm worrying about money? I'm a student, you can't blame me I suppose.

The mobile phone video was a lot more satisfying for me, even though I didn't like the script I'd written - it was cheesy, ham fisted, and truth be told a little underdeveloped. But it still satisfied me more than our 3MW simply because it had a different director who stuck to it like a limpet. I saw it for the first time the day before the presentations and I remember thinking something along the lines of 'Jesus, that's MY work jumping off the page at me'. It's a great feeling, but I understand that it's one I shouldn't get too attached to if I'm to make it in the industry in the future.

The presentation itself was brilliant, and I have to hand it to Ryan, Thom and Louise - they were all superb. I remember Thom telling me how much he was dreading it, but when he was up there he was flawless - I was sitting at the back of the and I could hear him clearly, he sounded confident, he made the audience laugh. I don't know why he got so worked up over it really. All three of them did a great job up there.

What have I gained from the experience of the Summer Project? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps the knowledge that, while authorship is okay and it's fine to be proud of a piece of work, I shouldn't expect other people to be as proud of it as I am.

More additions to the AWESOME list.

- The idea that I'm going to be sitting at home playing XBox (or getting my hair cut) next week.
- Ben 'Yahtzee' Croshaw's 'Trilby' series of adventure games.
- The knowledge that the hat I wore for most of my college time did not, as I had previously thought, fall into a toilet at a party and is in fact completely clean.
- Marvel 1602
- Grindhouse (Planet Terror is more AWESOME than Death Proof though)
- BBQ Chicken
- Blockbuster Salty Popcorn

Comments

The two empty bottles of Pepsi next to me say I should probably do more exercise

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 00:06:03 +0200

...But I won't. At least not on Wii Fit. I had a go on that wretched thing recently and it had the balls to call me obese. OBESE? A little on the chubby side, sure - why sugar-coat the obvious? But OBESE? Screw you Wii Fit. Actually I'd like something that was sugar coated right now...maybe a doughnut...or a choc ice...sugar coated choc ice...fuck it, I'm going for a long walk tomorrow.

As my first year at BU continues to draw to an end, I have a lot of time on my hands and I find it frustrating that the only Wii game I own that I haven't beaten yet is Tomb Raider Anniversary (which isn't as good as TR: Legend, hopefully Underworld will bring something new to the table - Underworld is the name of the lingerie factory in Corrie, maybe they'll do some cross-advertising thing where Lara Croft wears Manc-knickers for the whole game. The movie 'Underworld' missed a trick there - that starred Kate Beckinsale, and her in underwear would have pulled in more punters than it did. Hell, I'd have fucking gone), and I don't fancy playing it much when there's a perfectly good Mario Kart online mode to be played.

Mind you, I lost well over 1000 points on that game this evening, so the less said about that the better.

Moving swiftly onto uni related matters (because that would be the point of this blog), I'm sure I'm not the only student posting wilding these past few days to make it look like they've done more towards PDP. I stick my hand in the air right now and admit that I underestimated the importance of this blog. But to be fair, this is my fourth attempt at a blog for this project, so credit where credit's due - even if it isn't due to me.

The Summer Project hand-in date draws ever closer, and I can't help but feel that, as a scriptwriter, my role has been somewhat diminished. I feel like there was more I could have done - sure, I wrote the scripts that were required of me, but it says a lot about the Unit as a whole that I was able to spend nearly two weeks at home in Sussex during this project and not have the project collapse. I offered to help with shooting and that, but I never got asked to.

Tomorrow we've our final meeting before the hand in - the first opportunity I'll have had to see my writing in motion. I've heard from people that have had their scripts filmed before. They say it's a great feeling, to see the words you wrote leap up in front of you, and bitchslap you with the notion that THEY'RE MOVING! I hope it's that good of a feeling - well, we'll see.

What else is on my mind? Not a lot else really. The fact that I've got to do a lot of work on MKWii to get all my points back is pretty prominent. That's pretty much it. What does it say about me that a videogame score is weighing more heavily on my mind than uni work? I hope that says more about the uni work than my priorities.

More additions to the AWESOME list. One day I'll compile all these things, and get them published in one EPIC tome.

The word 'EPIC'
Anton Chirguh (he will fuck up your shit)
In Rainbows
Mario Kart Wii (even though I suck at it of late)
The Hulk
My sketch of PresidentJuggernaut
Having more money than I previously anticipated
My limited suscribers edition of the July 2008 issue of Empire (bow down to me, you shop-purchasing proles!)

Laters.

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So much for this being a regular thing, then.

Wed, 28 May 2008 22:06:12 +0200

Well,it's been well over two months since I last blogged. For a blog that was meant to be chronicling my entire first year at university, that's pretty poor. I would like to point out, however, that this blog was not my first attempt - oh no. I've tried at least three or four times to get a blog up off the ground, but for various reasons (mainly due to poor hosting sites/editing tools) those attempts weren't sucessful.

So this is in fact blog Mk. IV - one more Mk than the Iron Man armour in the latest film (which was pretty good, by the way).

Nearing the end of the first year now. Officially, there's about a month to go, but I've got two essays to hand in on the 11th June and then I'm done. To be honest, I didn't expect this year to go by so quickly. I thought the months would go by slower than start of The Wizard (obscure videogame film reference ahoy!), but it went by faster than the time it took me to realise that Indiana Jones IV had lost the magic of the previous series (i.e. when he SURVIVED AN ATOMIC EXPLOSION BY SHUTTING HIMSELF IN A BLOODY FRIDGE). If you catch my meaning.

That said, this short year has provided me with some pretty good grades. Here's a rundown -

Images Unit
Script - 62%
Essay - 47%

Narratives Unit
Script - 65%
Essay - 58%

Audience Unit
Script - 67%
Essay - (results pending)

Script into Production - 66% (group score)

I'm incredibly chuffed with these marks. I had expected to get grades within the 40%s, and just scrape by into next year, so to achieve more than 60% on all three of my script projects is great. Hopefully next year will prove to be just as sucessful (and hopefully it'll feel a bit longer too).

For each of the main scripts, I remember saying to myself 'Dan, for goodness sake, get the first draft done with at least two weeks to spare for redrafting'. Did I listen to myself? Did I bollocks. I'm sure I'm not the only person guilty of it, but I seem to be motivated only by a huge, looming deadline a week or so away. My first drafts were always finished two or three days before the deadline, with redrafting going on in the days between.

It's something I know I have to grow out of. In the industry, people aren't going to be happy if I take so long to finish a first draft. It's just un-professional, and I understand that.

At present, I am working with my Summer Project group to finish of our Three Minute Wonder. That's going well. Is it wrong to decide who presents the project next week based on a three-way rock/paper/scissors game? Call our group wrong then.

That's about all that's on my mind right now. There follows a list of additions to the AWESOME list below.

Grand Theft Auto IV
Subway
Entourage
Posters that cover stuff up that shouldn't be on my walls.
The thought that one day I'll be lucky enough to have money.
Toffee desert sauce
Zero Punctuation
The Spoony Experiment
That Guy With The Glasses
Starship Troopers
Ray Liotta

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Defining Awesome

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:02:06 +0100

Hey eveybody. NEW BLOG INCOMING.

Life's okay at the moment, I guess. I'm waiting on a call from my possible future landlord about viewing a room I'm interested in renting (he's not rung in days, maybe he's been shot in a gangland assassaination. I hope not, the room sounds nice).

In terms of Uni work, I'm well into my 40 Minute script assignment. we've been given three themes to choose from - Ambition, Reconciliation, and Bereavement. I've chosen to write a script based on the topic of reconciliation (if only because, from what I've heard, the majority of the group is doing bereavement).

The story is like this. Two siblings in their 30s (Beth and Jason) haven't spoken to each other in years. Their Father doesn't know why they haven't, but is determined to make them bury the hatchet. So, at a family party, he induces a heart attack and makes it so that Jason and Beth are the only two that can get him to the hospital (because everyone else is too drunk to drive). It'll make a lot more sense on the page.

Speaking of which, I'm maybe 12 pages into the 40 pages I need to write. I should crack on, really, but the new PC Gamer's out today and I need to pick that up,

THE LIST

This being a blog of AWESOME, I've decided to compile a list of AWESOME things. Said list follows -

My Girlfriend
Steve Buscemi
Chuck Norris
28 Days Later
Chocolate Biscuits
Ninja Gaiden on NES
The Nintendo Wii
Heroes
BioShock on PC
That bit in Life On Mars where Gene Hunt offends a minority - i.e. THE WHOLE SERIES
The L-98 Rifle
Prison Break
Guitar Hero (more awesome than real guitar)
Hot Chocolate
Gallows
Mr. T
Rolled-up newspapers (but only when applied sharply to stupid peoples faces)
Maddox (www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net)
Tucker Max (www.tuckermax.com)
Borat
The original Star Wars films
The Advance Wars games
Franz Ferdinand
Sin City
Optimus Prime
Indiana Jones
Steve Buscemi

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INTRODUCTION TO THE BLOG

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 12:40:06 +0100

Hey everybody.

My name's Dan Pryce. For those of you who don't know me, standby for imminent introduction. For those who do, go amuse yourself for a bit.

I'm studying Scriptwriting for Film and Television at Bournemouth University, and have been doing so for the past six months or so. It comes from my love of film and need to have a lot of control - after all, the script is the foundation of any film or televsion show and I guess that appeals to me.

It's from that course that this blog comes into existance. Admittedly, I should have started this months ago, right at the beginning of the year. The object of this blog (in the universities eyes) is for me to blog about how work is going, how we're finding the course etc. so that that info can be used to write a 'PDP' essay at the end of the year. Short version - No blog, no degree.

While I'll be using this blog for that purpose, I'll also be using it to offer an insight into my life, and everything that goes on within it (not that there's a lot).

I'm also going to do a Ster-blog list in every blog. Ster, for those of you who don't know him, has been blogging on MySpace every week for over a year now. It's my dream to one day have so much time on my hands that I write as much content as he has.

So yeah, BLOG ACTIVATE! I guess.

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